The Last Posting

I'll be taking this blog down in a month or so. Fay passed away peacefully on December 15, 2009. Her nieces, nephews, great nieces and great nephews, great-great nieces and nephews, and some friends bid her farewell. Margie, Evan, and Wendy joined me for this final mitzvah on her behalf.

Here are the remarks I prepared for the funeral. The rabbi who officiated read them.

Ask anyone who knew Fay what was most important to her and he will answer “family and friends” before you finish the question. She loved her sisters and brother and her nieces and nephews. To say that she was proud of me would be an understatement hard to top. She loved being with her grandchildren and their children. Some of my favorite pictures are of her holding Simon and Alice in a bear hug, gritting her teeth and kissing them. She was proud of each and every one of her extended family and loved to tell them so.

When I was a young boy I remember often having my cousins in the house. For the most part we all lived close together in University City. My memories are of a group of us sitting around the small rooms of our small house laughing and telling stories. I don’t remember the topics of the conversations; only that everyone was laughing. My mother and her brother and sisters were more like friends than siblings. My mother and her sister Anne often traveled together for vacations. My dad and I had our own adventures eating the meals that my mom prepared and otherwise taking the liberties that two men on their own find attractive. My mother’s brother Hy was her special confidant. They would console each other at times. When my mother decided to try her hand at volunteering, Uncle Hy would review the drafts of her newsletter articles and speeches. He would offer her advice on how to manage her Medical Center club, of which she became president.

My mom made friends everywhere. After my father died, she decided to take a cruise. She went by herself and was seated at a table of unconnected passengers. This group became the closest of friends. One couple from South Caroline remained one of mom’s closest friends the rest of her life. I kept up with Johann over the past few years when my mom’s health was failing. Johann always mentioned times when they helped each other over life’s inevitable rough spots.

When my mom could still travel, she loved to come to Maryland for Pesach and Rosh Hashanah. She loved our seders and particularly liked to schmoose about St. Louis with our Washington U friends who had settled in the Washington DC area. I was afraid that our seders would have to end with “Next Year in St. Louis” rather than Jerusalem. My mom formed a bond with the mothers of some our friends who lived in or near Maryland. When she came to town, our friends got excited about the chance to pair my mom up with their mothers for a lunch out or a trip shopping. These ladies also became part of my mom’s group of closest friends.

Rosh Hashanah was another special holiday for us. Mom would come to town and love to schmoose with her Temple Isaiah friends. She was never good at names, so we would end up playing a version of “20 questions” where my mother would try to describe a friend of ours so that we could be sure to bring her over to them. Most times these friends would find her first for a hug and kiss, so that finishing the guessing game was unnecessary.

For most of my mom’s life she was full of energy and drive.She worked at a time when it was unusual for women to have full time jobs. I remember her coming home from work while I was doing homework and running to the kitchen to make supper. She took classes in arts and crafts (Margie still has the ring my mom made from a silver baby spoon), public speaking, golf, and even lunchtime learning classes in Talmud.She threw herself into her club work with AMC, assured that she was playing a pivotal role in curing cancer. She went to conventions, stood in super market parking lots raising money, and took leadership positions in her chapter.

When I was in the Navy, she traveled to California where I was stationed to spend some time with us in the California sun. She wasn’t afraid to travel by herself.Later, when I went to work for a university research facility, she traveled to Cape Canaveral where I was working so that she could spend some time with our young family.

It was about 12 years ago that Parkinson’s Disease started to take its toll on my mom.Diabetes and other maladies joined in their assault on her body. Finally it was dementia that proved too much for her. During that time, while these diseases slowly took away her independence, my mom’s spirit always showed through. She became attached to her caregivers and they to her. When it was time to leave the Cedars and come to a skilled nursing facility in Maryland, I saw the staff cry as we took mom out to the car. At her new home at the Jewish Convalescent and Nursing Home in Baltimore, people would yell “Fay is OK,” and “Hi St. Louis” whenever we moved around the premises. Mom would stroke them and tell them how beautiful they were and they would respond with their own kindness.

My mom’s life was an object lesson for me and all those who knew her. If you want friends, be a friend. If you want to be loved, you need to love.

Two Steps Backward, One Step Forward

Thanksgiving was less than two weeks ago, but it seems a lot longer.

Wendy, Misha and Simon came to spend the holiday with us. They got to visit Fay twice during their short stay. You can see Fay holding Wendy's hand above. Of note is the encouraging use of her right hand, which had been giving her some trouble. We visited the bird cage and Simon had a good time looking at pictures and taking in the sites at Courtland Gardens.

It would be a mistake to say that Fay was "ok" during these visits. She often seemed drowsy and confused, but that's nothing new. When Wendy and family saw her on Saturday morning, they reported that she was not very responsive. A few hours later, after lunch, I went to the nursing home and Fay was eating ice cream, getting ready for the Shabbat afternoon trivia contest. It goes like that; up and down in the same day.

The following Wednesday I was in Norfolk, VA on business when Fay's doctor called me. He found her completely unresponsive; it was difficult to wake her. He didn't think she had a stroke. A UTI was the most likely cause based on a blood test and urinalysis. So he started her on IV antibiotics.

I was back in town on Thursday and visited Fay that day and subsequent days. Evan came down for the day on Saturday. We were very worried about her condition, which didn't seem to be improving. She was eating nothing. She was extremely hard to rouse. When she was awake, we couldn't tell if she knew we were there. Saturday was a pretty good day. She smiled and even laughed when Evan was with her. I got her to drink some liquid diet supplement. On Sunday, she was back to being completely out of it.

Monday was a better day. Fay was up a little and looked around the room at us and the nursing aids. She even found the will to glower and snarl at her room mate. We'll never understand why Fay sometimes reacts that way to Rebeca, but at least it was some awareness.

The latest diagnosis is pneumonia, which is being treated by a different antibiotic that also covers the UTI. Fay has delirium, which sometimes happens to Alzheimer's patients that get infections. She can't talk. When she wants to say something she just mumbles gibberish. As of today, she isn't eating anything. The infection has taken away her appetite. Moreover, patients with dementia often either refuse to eat or forget to eat.

Mom's doctor and the nurse practitioner who treats her think that the appetite may come back after the infection clears. They doubt that she will come back to the baseline she was at before she got sick.

In the meantime, we'll take one day at a time.

Roots

My cousin Harry is quite a researcher into family history. From time to time he sends me photos and descriptions of material that he has uncovered about our common ancestors. His mother is my father's sister.

Last week Harry sent me a 20 page history of our common ancestry. The timing was actually pretty interesting. Thanksgiving was the holiday that we usually shared with Harry's family, including our grandmother. Fay was very fond of Lydia Rapport, her mother-in-law. When they were courting, my father would take Fay to his house on Virginia Avenue in south St. Louis. My mom used to tell me how civilized she thought the Rapports were. They actually set the table with knives and forks at each place instead of piling them in the middle of the table like her mother did.

I think Lydia taught my mother to cook. Since Fay was the youngest in a family that included four daughters, her jobs around the house were mostly cleaning up; certainly not cooking. My mom made delicious fried chicken and great fruit pies (I liked cherry best), skills she learned from Lydia.

I brought Harry's family history with me this weekend and read Fay some of the parts I thought she'd be most interested in. Fay was pretty sleepy both Saturday and Sunday this week. But when I asked her if she remembered Virginia Avenue, she said "yes" and smiled. I reminder her about the pies, and she smiled at that too.

On Thanksgiving Day, Wendy, Misha, and Simon will come to us for a few days. We told Fay that Wendy and her family would be coming to see her. She commented that Simon was cute, so I suspect that she understands that Wendy has a child. We're looking forward to the visit.

The Entertainer

"That's the way it's going to be now," Margie told me as we left the nursing home on Saturday. Fay was very sleepy on Saturday afternoon. I think she slept most of the time we were there. She had a lot of trouble with her ice cream (the usual Saturday afternoon ice cream party, sing-along and trivia contest). Since it was a warm fall day, we took Fay outside on the patio for some fresh air. We were also able to let her talk to Wendy on the phone, which was a reasonably successful conversation. But for most of our visit, Fay just drifted in and out of sleep.

The next day I went back to Courtland Gardens. It was a beautiful day and I thought maybe we could go into the courtyard for a longer stay. When I arrived, however, Fay was sitting front and center for a musical program. She didn't want to leave (who could blame her? see and hear for yourself). We sang along and had a pretty good time for about 45 minutes. Then Fay asked me to take her back to her room. We watched the Ravens struggle against the Bengals. Football seemed to really catch her attention. It was reassuring to see her a little more alert than the day before.

Where Did The Time Go?

We like to bring an activity with us when we visit Fay. This weekend we dropped by on both Saturday and Sunday. Saturday was ice cream and trivia. Fay and I went back to her room (it was nasty weather) and read through the Baltimore Jewish Times. There was an article on the most popular Jewish-themed mask for Halloween (it's a Bernie Madoff mask) and a long story about Topol, who at 72 is reprising his role as Tevya in a tour of "Fiddler on the Roof" that is coming to Baltimore. The Bernie Madoff story went over Fay's head, but I think she had some recollection of "Fiddler." My mom has a thing for older Jewish men with beards.

On Sunday we brought the album of photo proofs from Margie's and my wedding.


We (at least Margie and I) had quite a time looking back 41 years. To put things in perspective, Fay is 15 years younger than I am now in this picture. I was 45 pounds lighter than I am now. Margie looks pretty much the same.

We showed my mom photos of her nieces and nephews, her brother and sisters, and some others she seemed to remember. It's hard to know what Fay understood but she said that she knew who everyone was. It was the most responsive we have seen her in several weeks. Who knows? Maybe we'll bring my bar mitzvah album next week.

Communication

It's been some time since I've made a report. Actually, there's not much to say these days. Our visits with Fay are falling into a routine of sorts. Fay is usually at an activity when we arrive. If it's Saturday, she's at the trivia and ice cream social. The volunteers seem to understand that Fay needs sugar free ice cream. Most of the time Fay is feeding herself, although when she sees us she wants us to help, even feed her. Some days she seems very drowsy. Other times she is fairly alert.

The biggest change is that Fay can no longer have a conversation. She is unable to complete a sentence, even when you try to prompt her for the words she seems to be searching for. I actually think the situation is more frustrating for us than for her. When Fay forgets what she starts to say (which is just about always) she just settles back and smiles. She can't really answer questions, except for "yes" or "no," and those responses often are random and inconsistent with the answer we are expecting.

So we bring pictures to look at or go over the photo albums she has in her cabinet. Reading the Baltimore Jewish Times is another good activity. It comes out weekly and there are sometimes funny stories. If we laugh, Fay laughs. Margie buys her new clothes - tops appropriate for the season and slacks to replace the ones that seem to vanish occasionally. Fay likes that and is happy about the presents.

I try to be thankful that Fay seems to be comfortable and not anxious. The changes we are seeing are inevitable, say the medical staff.

An Afternoon in the Sukkah

Saturday was the first day of Sukkot. Courtland Gardens (despite it's name change) still put their sukkah up on the patio. It was a lovely, sunny fall day so we got to spend some time in the sukkah. The decorations were pretty special. I think the plastic fruit industry has discovered the holiday because this sukkah was decorated with strings of fruit, including etrogim!

We tried to get Fay to remember if her father had built a sukkah when she was a little girl. First she said no; then she said yes. We guess there must have been a sukkah on Macmillan Avenue. At least one.

We think Fay must have gone to the kiddush in the sukkah after services on Saturday, but she couldn't remember. Fay's memory is pretty spotty lately. The biggest problem is that she has a hard time expressing herself, so we never really know what she's thinking or if she wants to tell us something.

But, despite all that, she remains in pretty good spirits. Wendy and Misha and Simon will be visiting us for Thanksgiving, so that will be another opportunity for Fay to connect,

Sounds of the Season

I made my usual Saturday visit, this one being the one between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Fay was in the dining room, waiting for the trivia contest to start. Since the normal Shabbat afternoon entertainer has been out recovering from knee replacement, there is a new crew. The joke lady (whom I mentioned earlier) does the contest and another couple serves the ice cream. Although Fay wears a bright orange bracelet that identifies her as having diabetes, she was sitting with a huge double-dip of strawberry and vanilla when I arrived. I switched it out for sugar free chocolate. I assume this was a rare slip. Peter, the nurse on the Saturday swing shift, seems prepared for the blood glucose spikes of the diabetic residents on Saturday evening.

I showed Fay the pictures we took when Margie and I were in New Jersey and New York for Rosh Hashana. She got a kick out of seeing Alice and Simon, who are growing up fast. The playground pictures were a big hit. I reminded Fay that Sarah is pregnant, expecting a little boy in February. Fay was mildly confused about that news, but we'll keep reinforcing it.

The one image that seemed to break through the fog was a short video of Evan blowing his shofar. Evan is the baal tekiyah at a new congregation starting in Jackson Heights. He brought his shofar to Wendy's to entertain Simon and Alice when Wendy had everyone over for a Holiday meal. If you look closely you can see Alice hiding behind Evan and Wendy's dog trying to escape.

Family Ties

Fay's condition continues to be fairly steady. In early September Margie and I took a vacation to Canada. We stopped by Courtland Gardens after we landed in Baltimore on September 8. Fay was getting her hair done when we arrived. The hair stylist at Courtland Gardens seems pretty good. Fay's hair looks more natural and is missing the trademark hairspray helmet that characterized her appearance for a long time. We had a couple of laughs with the hair lady and then went to Fay's room for a chat.

Since this was a weekday, we also got a visit from the nurse practitioner who takes care of Fay. She had some encouraging things to say. Fay was happy about the "good report."

We looked through the "Monthly Monitor," the monthly news letter of Courtland Gardens. One of the articles was about "Fun with Foods" on Rosh Hashanah.

There was a description of a custom to head symbolic foods that, often through puns, are connected to wishes that we have for the new year. The first time I had heard of this custom was when Misha's sister Julia brought a whole selection of foods to Wendy and Misha's house for a Rosh Hashana lunch. We had a good time sampling the foods and saying the customary petitions for our new year wishes. The article above gives a short explanation of this custom, as well as some modern, English-based, food wishes. For example, you can eat squash and say "may bad luck be squashed."

Another (maybe more) interesting family tie occurred on Saturday during my visit. There was a voice message on Fay's telephone from her great-niece Sherry Schucart, who lives in upstate New York. Sherry is Fay's sister's grand-daughter (yes, the same sister who shares the name of Fay's room mate, Rebecca Wolfe). I called Sherry back and let her talk to Fay. That was a rather unsatisfactory conversation. Fay said hello, Sherry said something, then Fay sat quietly for a few minutes and Sherry apparently hung up. I called her back. "Is Aunt Fay ok?" she asked. I explained the situation and Sherry and I caught up on some things. Sherry had heard that Fay had moved to Baltimore when my cousin Shelly (Rebecca Wolfe's son-in-law) called his niece Sherry to tell her that Fay's sister Mary had died. So Sherry called Fay to offer condolences. I think that message got lost in translation.

Sherry and her sisters are best remembered in our family for their visit to Wendy's bat mitzvah, 24 years ago. My cousin Evelyn and her husband and their 4 daughters and two sons-in-law all came to celebrate with us. Our recollection, confirmed by the photos, is that they topped the list of celebrants, dancing, laughing and having a good old time. Evelyn and her husband have sadly passed away and we have only very infrequent contact with their children. But we have that one event to remember sharing family celebrations.

Finally Setting In? We Can Hope.

It's been 5 1/2 months since Fay moved to Baltimore and Courland Gardens. We expected some difficulties with the transition, and there were more than a few. As I mentioned earlier in this blog, Fay was abusive at times to the staff and some of the residents. She had her share of infections and other acute illnesses. I used to get called once or twice a week with a report about her behavior, blood sugar, bruise, or other problem.

But lately things have been more stable. Fay has settled in to her new environment and seem less anxious about her new surroundings. Wendy thinks it's to her advantage that her default operating condition is to be pleasant and outgoing. So even though Fay doesn't recognize her caregivers or the residents she is around every day, she still calls them "honey" or "my dear friend" and tells each of the staff that she loves them and how pretty they look. Much more Fay-like.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what it must be like to live without memory. I was visiting Fay on Thursday, the day that Ted Kennedy died. Fay didn't know who Ted was, nor did she remember JFK or RFK. The pictures on the TV spurred no memory. So she lives her life almost completely context free. Nothing that happens in the world at large makes any difference to her. Imagine what it must be like not to be able to anticipate a visit or special occasion. If you can't remember that someone is coming to visit, you can't be excited about the prospect. Of course, you also aren't alarmed when you hear that something is going to change for a short period of time, because you don't remember the details of the change ten minutes after you're told.

Maybe this is what people mean when they compare people with dementia to small children. Each day is the same because you don't know what's going to happen and someone else makes all the decisions for what you do and when. For example, on Thursday I stayed until someone came to take Fay to dinner. "You must be hungry, Fay. I know I am," the aid said. "I sure am, honey," said Fay. "Well then let's get you up and into the dining room." I kissed Fay goodbye and the three of us left her room. "Are you going to tell me where we're going?" said Fay to the aid.

It's Hot In the Mid-Atlantic

It's been a very had week here. We also have had our share of thunderstorms and other weather, some from Hurricane Bill.

Fay was looking pretty good this week. She's been having trouble expressing herself and communicating, but we heard a few complete thoughts on Saturday. Some were right out of her usual play-book. She introduced us, for the nth time, to Arthur a resident who often sits near her at activities. "This is my family," she said as she poked him to get his attention. Fay doesn't know Arthur's name. She also proclaimed to her roommate, "I'm having such a good time with them here!" Since Rebecca doesn't hear very well, there was no response. The expected and proper answer would have been to gush about how lucky Fay is to have such a wonderful family. We think some of the tension between Fay and Rebecca stems from Rebecca's lack of dramatic and outwardly expressed appreciation for Fay's family.



One of the activities on Saturday was picking which of the pictures from Wendy and Simon's visits to put on Fay's bulletin board. We think she picked two good ones.

Wendy and Simon Visit

Simon enjoys great-grandma Fay's bracelet. It used to be a charm bracelet. Now the only charm left says Wendy, 6-29-72.


Simon chats it up with great grandma while sitting on Saba's lap. Fay seems to be trying to interpret the toddler babble.


Simon's not getting away so easily from great-grandma Fay.


Smelling flowers in the courtyard.


Wendy and Simon watch great-grandma Fay take a drink in her room.



Fay's great-grandson Simon usually goes to a day care a couple days a week while his mom Wendy works from home. This week was the day care lady's vacation, so Wendy and Simon took the train from New Jersey to Baltimore to spend some time with us. Wendy and Simon were able to fit in three visits to Fay this week. The first visit was Margie, Wendy and Simon on Monday. Then on Thursday I took off in the morning and the three of us went back for a second visit. Because Wendy's train didn't leave until later in the day on Saturday, we fit in a visit on Saturday morning, too. You can see some pictures of these visits (in no particular order) above.

We were lucky that the weather was not too hot. Simon enjoyed running around the courtyard and smelling the flowers. He also got a big kick out of the bird cage, featuring very noisy and active exotic birds.

Fay really enjoyed these visits. Simon gave her kisses on her hand and liked stroking her hand and leg. At one point Simon sat on Fay;s lap. She found some unexpected strength holding him; we had to pry Simon out of her vice-like grip when it was time to put him down.

Fay seems pretty tired lately. We found her sleeping in her wheel chair at each visit. Usually she perks right up when we wake her, but sometimes she seems pretty out of it for a while. On Saturday she was at shabbat services, dressed in a skirt (but sleeping). I think she goes to services every Saturday, but she doesn't remember and says not. I'm a little worried about her right hand, which continues to get weaker. She almost never uses it now.

A Weekend in the Heartland

It was a busy week for us. I was in Omaha on business so Margie stopped by to see Fay in the middle of the week. It was the day that Fay had her hair done; Margie said she looked great. She seemed to understand a lot of the conversation, which centered on Margie's and my rendezvous in St. Louis. On Friday I flew (with some difficulty) from Omaha to St. Louis where Margie joined me. We wanted to take the opportunity to see our St. Louis family and friends.

Fay understood who we were going to visit and said how much she missed her family. As I have noted earlier in this blog, her family is everything to her.

The central part of the weekend was a 35th anniversary party for Jessica and Harold Fadem. It was a wonderful party. At the beginning of the festivities, Harold's sister Anita Wallach told the story of how the couple were introduced. It turns out that Fay ran into Anita in the grocery store. Jessica had been recently divorced and Fay asked Anita if she knew anyone who would be interested in dating a lovely woman. Anita suggested Harold, who was also divorced. The rest is history.

It's great to remember how involved Fay was in the lives of her nieces and nephews. Over the weekend we had some good laughs about Fay's golfing lessons and other shared experiences with my cousins.

On Sunday, before we left for home, Margie and I stopped by the cemetery to check on my father's grave. An irony (or coincident at least) is that Fay's sister Mary had just been buried nearby, so there was lot's of evidence of visitors to my dad's grave as well as others in Fay's family. We gave my dad an update on Fay as well as his grandchildren and great-grandchildren, of whom he would be extremely proud.

Money Plants - You Reap What You Sew

It must have been 25 years ago, or so, when Fay was living on Briarwood, in the house that she and Charlie Rosen lived in. Charlie had lots of hobbies and interests, gardening among them. There was a rhubarb patch in their yard, a grape arbor, and other interesting plantings. Fay didn't think much of the grape arbor. That was one of the first changes after they got married. The grapes attracted birds and basically created a mess that Fay wasn't interested in keeping up with.

Among the plants in their yard were "money plants." These plants are so named because the seed pods contain shiny, cellophane-like disks that look like coins. When the plants dry out, you can rub the seed pods, remove the outer material, and expose the seeds and the inner "coins." Before one of Fay's visits to us, after Charlie had died, she picked a whole bunch of money plants and harvested the seeds. She brought them with her to Maryland and surprised us by planting these seeds all over our yard. I should point out that she planted these seeds before telling us about the project.

Money plants yield their seeds every other year. On the in-between years, there are purple flowers (that frankly look like weeds). On the year that the plants produce seeds, they scatter on their own so that we find a random money plant growing around our yard even now.

Last week Margie decided to pick some plants and fix them up to decorate Fay's room. See the photos above. Fay seemed interested in the story about the plants. We had some good laughs, but I'm not sure she remembers that she is the Johnny Appleseed of money plants in Columbia, MD.

Overall status: Looked good on Saturday. Not as drowsy as the week before. Staff report that she engages them and is in a pretty good mood overall.

Alice Visits Great-Grandma

It was a mixed weekend. When Margie and I visited Fay on Saturday she was sleeping soundly in her wheel chair. We had a hard time waking her, but we took her to the garden for a chat. Fay was very tired and kept falling asleep. We finally took her back to her room, had her put in bed and went for a coffee and snack at a nearby coffee shop. When we returned about an hour later, she was still very groggy and not too coherent. We stayed and talked for a short time, and then left.

The next day when Evan, Sarah, Alice and I returned, Fay was still in bed (it was about 10:00). An aid got her dressed and we went back to the garden. Alice had brought a watering can, so that she could water plants - a favorite activity of hers.


Fay seemed to enjoy the visit from her family. Evan and Sarah held her hand and talked to her. Fay loved the attention and enjoyed seeing Alice play. Alice also got to see the birds in the bird cage and the fish in the fish tank. Courtland Gardens has everything a curious 2 1/2 year old could want. Alice commented that visiting great-grandma Fay reminder her of Evan and Sarah's neighbor Nancy, who was a 90+ year old woman. Funny how kids make these associations.



In a couple of weeks Wendy will be visiting with Fay's great grandson Simon. It will be fun for Fay to get to see Simon who is now walking around and chattering.

The Transition to Courtland Gardens Continues

The sign on the building and the sign by the road now say Courtland Gardens Nursing and Rehabilitation Center rather than Jewish Convalescent and Nursing Home. The updated name will signal the community that this facility is open to all (although the Jewish atmosphere will still be honored, so they say). As part of the Jewish atmosphere, while we were sitting in the garden with Fay this afternoon we saw about five young Jewish men, a young girl and two adult women climb over the fence to enter the facility. The boys, complete with tzitzit and payes, had no trouble scaling the fence, but their mother in her long skirt had some difficulty. We figure the dramatic entrance was to avoid going in the front door which opens automatically when you approach. So rather than activating an electrical device on Shabbat, the family jumped the wrought iron fence.

Fay had a good time with her ice cream (we got there in time to get her sugar free today) and looking at a new picture of Evan and Alice fishing in Maine. We chatted about the All Star Game which will be in St. Louis this year. Fay was a little disappointed that the game is at night now, past her bed time.

We found signs of visitors in Fay's room. A young person named Chaya Yehud left a hand made greeting card that said "glad you are feeling better." Fay was pretty alert, but tired. Her hair had been fixed and she had a fresh manicure.

Independence Day Visit

There was some discussion over the past week or two as to whether or not Fay was at the picnic where she apparently got a little sunburn. Nadine, the nurse on the floor, was certain that Fay was at the picnic, but Fay didn't think so. However, the evidence is now clear. In the July issue of the "Monthly Monitor, A Publication for the Residents and Families of Courtland Gardens," there are some photos of the June picnic. You can see Fay enjoying a snack and a drink with an unidentified resident.

Back to July 4. It was a beautiful day in Baltimore, not too hot and dry. Fay was eating ice cream when we arrived (the Saturday special) and we took her into the garden. She was alert and fairly with it. We had a good time watching the birds feed out of a tray with bird seed that is set among the flowers and bushes. There were two breeds of birds that seemed to take turns at the feeder. This strange inter-breed harmony was only interrupted when the resident chipmunk invaded their space and took his turn at the feeder. Then the birds pecked at him and chased him into his hole.

We talked about a lot of things, and Fay seemed to know what we were talking about. I mentioned Harold and Jessica's wedding anniversary, Shelly and Deanna's birthdays, Jessica's birthday, Mike Rubin's barbershop chorus (first place international competition), and a phone call I had with college friend Cary Berkowitz, whom I haven't contacted in well over 30 years. Fay seemed to know what I was talking about. You never know for sure.

Health Update

Fay has had a rough couple of weeks, health-wise. The good thing about memory issues is that she doesn't remember.

It started when I noticed that she was coughing a little more than usual. She often coughs because of her chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, but this seemed worse to me. I mentioned this to the nurse practitioner who ordered a chest x-ray. The test came back positive for an "intrusion" in her lower lobe, which was treated like pneumonia. The antibiotics for the pneumonia apparently caused a flourishing of the c-diff. bacterium (Clostridium difficile, for those interested). C-diff causes antibiotic-associated colitis, symptoms of which are bloody diarrhea. New antibiotic, slight change in other medicines that can irritate the digestive tract. Cleared up the C-diff, but a UTI followed, most likely from contamination from the diarrhea. Currently, all infections are under control.

Last time we saw Fay she was more tired than usual. Not too surprising. The nurse practitioner was not too concerned, nor was the doctor or nursing staff. It takes time to recover and they wake Fay up early to start the day. Sitting all day, even with activities, can be tiring.

Margie had just returned from a visit with Evan, Sarah, Alice, Misha, Wendy and Simon at Sarah's parents' vacation home in Maine when we visited last. Fay had a good time looking at Margie's pictures, particularly the ones of Alice and Simon. Alice busy digging in her garden and Simon displaying his new-found skill walking upright on two feet.

More On the Birth Certificate

One other oddity on the birth certificate below. The number of living children listed for my grandmother is 10. I wonder where that number came from?

What's In A Name?

I had to complete some paper work for Fay the other day, and needed to include her birth certificate. I was surprised as anyone that I was able to find it among the records I have been collecting recently, but I did. I also learned some things.

Most of us know that her given name was Fannie, not Fay. I asked her today when she started using Fay, but I don't think she remembers. I asked her if it was in high school. She said, "Yes," so we'll go with that. The other interesting things I learned are:

• Her birthday is April 9, not April 8 as most of her records show. That's actually old news. The story is that my grandmother went into labor on the 8th and assumed that her baby was born on the 8th, even though the actual birth was on the 9th. Since the time of birth is 1:45 AM, this story is certainly feasible.
  
• The names are spelled wrong. The family name is shown as Fader, not Feder as everyone spelled it. My grandmother's name is listed as Sabra, not Sarah.
  
• I had thought that my mother's childhood address was on MacMillan Avenue, but the address recorded is on N 14th or N 19th Street. I guess the family moved to MacMillan some time later.

I'm guessing that inconsistencies like those happen from time to time, particularly in the immigrant communities where English is not the primary language. I can't wait to see what problems this causes down the road.

For those of you following general progress... Fay was treated for pneumonia earlier this week (a condition she has had before, usually reported as "infiltration of the left lobe.") The antibiotic knocked the pneumonia out, but caused an intestinal infection that needs to be treated with yet another antibiotic. Fay is a little weak from all of this. On Thursday she was tired but not too disoriented. Not so with it on Saturday.