Health Update

Fay has had a rough couple of weeks, health-wise. The good thing about memory issues is that she doesn't remember.

It started when I noticed that she was coughing a little more than usual. She often coughs because of her chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, but this seemed worse to me. I mentioned this to the nurse practitioner who ordered a chest x-ray. The test came back positive for an "intrusion" in her lower lobe, which was treated like pneumonia. The antibiotics for the pneumonia apparently caused a flourishing of the c-diff. bacterium (Clostridium difficile, for those interested). C-diff causes antibiotic-associated colitis, symptoms of which are bloody diarrhea. New antibiotic, slight change in other medicines that can irritate the digestive tract. Cleared up the C-diff, but a UTI followed, most likely from contamination from the diarrhea. Currently, all infections are under control.

Last time we saw Fay she was more tired than usual. Not too surprising. The nurse practitioner was not too concerned, nor was the doctor or nursing staff. It takes time to recover and they wake Fay up early to start the day. Sitting all day, even with activities, can be tiring.

Margie had just returned from a visit with Evan, Sarah, Alice, Misha, Wendy and Simon at Sarah's parents' vacation home in Maine when we visited last. Fay had a good time looking at Margie's pictures, particularly the ones of Alice and Simon. Alice busy digging in her garden and Simon displaying his new-found skill walking upright on two feet.

More On the Birth Certificate

One other oddity on the birth certificate below. The number of living children listed for my grandmother is 10. I wonder where that number came from?

What's In A Name?

I had to complete some paper work for Fay the other day, and needed to include her birth certificate. I was surprised as anyone that I was able to find it among the records I have been collecting recently, but I did. I also learned some things.

Most of us know that her given name was Fannie, not Fay. I asked her today when she started using Fay, but I don't think she remembers. I asked her if it was in high school. She said, "Yes," so we'll go with that. The other interesting things I learned are:

• Her birthday is April 9, not April 8 as most of her records show. That's actually old news. The story is that my grandmother went into labor on the 8th and assumed that her baby was born on the 8th, even though the actual birth was on the 9th. Since the time of birth is 1:45 AM, this story is certainly feasible.
  
• The names are spelled wrong. The family name is shown as Fader, not Feder as everyone spelled it. My grandmother's name is listed as Sabra, not Sarah.
  
• I had thought that my mother's childhood address was on MacMillan Avenue, but the address recorded is on N 14th or N 19th Street. I guess the family moved to MacMillan some time later.

I'm guessing that inconsistencies like those happen from time to time, particularly in the immigrant communities where English is not the primary language. I can't wait to see what problems this causes down the road.

For those of you following general progress... Fay was treated for pneumonia earlier this week (a condition she has had before, usually reported as "infiltration of the left lobe.") The antibiotic knocked the pneumonia out, but caused an intestinal infection that needs to be treated with yet another antibiotic. Fay is a little weak from all of this. On Thursday she was tired but not too disoriented. Not so with it on Saturday.

The Family Circle Club

Fay is always saying, "I love my family." This is not just idle talk. It is hard to overstate how important family has been to her all her life. In her extended family, the distinction between cousins and brothers and sisters, or parents and aunts and uncles often blurred.

I came across a tattered old notebook the other day that contained minutes and other artifacts from the Family Circle Club of the Tepper and Feder families. "The welfare of the family first" was the motto on the club's official stationery. The minute cover the period from 1956 to 1961, more heavily weighted towards the earlier days in this time frame. We took the book to Fay yesterday and read through some of the papers. We had a great time thinking back to the time when you could throw a banquet for 25 people, including flowers, favors, liquor, and food for less than $150.

The Family Circle Club had about 25 active members. They met monthly at the home of one of the members, usually starting late often after 8:30. Margie and I speculate that people in those days worked long hours, even on the weekend. I know, for example, that my father, who was a pharmacist, often worked weekends and late into the evening.

The business of the club included how to spend the money they collected (usually donated to a yeshiva in Israel to commemorate a yahrtzeit). Most of the time, as dutifully recorded by Fay in typed minutes, was spent on procedural issues and planning the next social activity. One exchange is particularly illustrative of the personalities involved. The montly dues were $1.50 per family. Fay's sister Mary that amount was too high and moved that the dues be lowered to $1/mo. A large debate ensued until my father, Phil, moved to table the motion. My dad was not big on rancor or pointless argument. Phil's motion passed with the provision added by my Uncle Hy that this issue be the first order of business at the next meeting. Hy was big on organizational dynamics and would have loved the debate (unless it moved in a direction that he opposed). Fay's brother-in-law Nat Solomon, apparently worried that the treasury could take a large hit in the future, made his own motion that they collect three months' dues at this meeting, thereby nullifying Mary's motion. The members saw through this trick, apparently, because the motion died for want of a second.

The club ran out of steam in the late '50s. In an attempt to attract the next generation, my cousin Irwin was elected the next president. My sense from reading the minutes and looking at the flyers (see above) is that Irwin was the connector who kept the club together and his wife Roz planned or herself catered most of the activities. So it is with organizations; the work is rarely shared uniformly.

A Digression - The Recipe File

Our son Evan suggested that we share some stories about Fay from her younger days. Here's a short vignette that reaches back to ancient history, before e-mail and cell phones, when people communicated mostly by mail and once in a while (on special occasion) by long distance telephone.

Margie was cleaning up her recipes the other day. The recipes she had collected after 40 years of marriage were stored in a ragged three ring binder that used to be organized by type of food. Lately the material was just tucked away with less attention to the type of recipe or food group. In a burst of creativity and energy, Margie bought a new binder, some file separators, and some pocket dividers. Then she organized her recipes, throwing out the ones that she didn't like or didn't plan on making. In the pile of recipes to keep were several 3 x 5 index cards from the mid '70s that Fay had sent her. The one above is for Passover cookies that Margie has made from time to time. Some of the recipes came with letters, handwritten early in the morning from Fay's office at St. Louis Shower Door, or perhaps Cooper Window Replacement Company.

The notes accompanying the recipes usually had a comment about how Fay was tired (the more things change, the more they stay the same) and some news about her life. These recipes were sent a few years after my dad had passed away and before she married her second husband, Charlie. Fay was involved with her friends and club work at the time, including taking a Dale Carnegie course. We kept in touch mainly through letters and a weekly phone call. It's hard to appreciate the importance of taking the time to write out recipes and mail them in these days of instant communication and feedback.

We shared some of these recipes and letters with Fay the other day. She was happy to see them and was proud of her handwriting (which is pretty good, you must admit).

More stories as I think of them.

A Little Ferblunged

I think we may have woken Fay when we arrived on Saturday afternoon. She was sitting in the dining room, waiting for the ice cream social and trivia quiz, but she was probably asleep. She was happy to see us because she "needed to discuss some things with us." We went to her room and Fay seemed disturbed. She had a lot of trouble verbalizing what was on her mind - we think it may have been the continuing saga of room-mate Rebecca's frequent trips to the bathroom.

We went to the sun room to chat and have ice cream. Fay asked us if she had left anything that she needed on Macmillan Avenue (where she lived as a child and teenager). Her conversation was definitely garbled today. Maybe because she was sleeping when we arrived.

We skipped fingernail polishing because the manicurist at the nursing home had already fixed her nails with a bright red-orange polish. Margie showed Fay some pictures (duplicates of the ones on her wall) and Fay was very excited to see great-grandson Simon's picture as well as some of great-granddaughter Alice. Fay gave Simon one of her highest compliments: "he looks like a schaigetz."

Since we are going to see Wendy over the Memorial Day holiday, I'll try to stop by on one or two afternoons this coming week.

Mother's Day Part II

Since today was the real Mother's Day, I decided to drop by Courtland Gardens and see what was up. I got to the nursing home about 10:00, and Fay was still getting ready. It turns out that the staff were setting up for a Mother's Day brunch. So Fay and I got to have a good visit as well as brunch set up in the dining room, the sun room, and on the patio. We ate on the patio.

Made to order omelets, fruit, cheese, bagels, coffee and tea. The process was supposed to be that guests got their own food and the staff brought food for the residents. That process was supposed to ensure that the residents got food appropriate for their special, individualized diets. I as well as most other guests failed to follow directions and brought our mothers their own food. Staff came by and inspected our choices. I think I passed.

Each mother also got a carnation. I put Fay's and room-mate Rebecca's flowers in vases in their room. Rebecca is eating next to Fay in the picture above.

It was a beautiful day, and eating on the patio was pleasant. We also got phone calls from Margie (who was enjoying her morning walking with friends and dogs around the lake near our house) and Wendy.

Other features of the brunch were special music (I think it was Rudy Valee recordings) special flowers on the tables, and festive decorations that would have been more appropriate for Cinco de Mayo.